One More Night
by Sombereyes
Summary: Why can't I simply let myself be alright with the blade at my hip? It was a choice I made, but, isn't that merely another way to duck out of the line of fire? After all, isn't that the question at hand? Why do this? Why take up the blade? Why let her look right through me? Ah, that is indeed a difficult matter, now isn't it? -AU, Shiz/nat, oneshot-


A/N: I haven't had a chance to post anything since the 25th. It's just been a little busy recently, to be honest, but today I had some free time. An hour of absolutely nothing to do made itself into this. Not going to be more than a one shot.

I don't own Mai HiME/ Mai Otome.

**One More Night**

We follow her orders.  
Without question, we obey.  
She is loved by all, yet distrusted by many.  
Though I know all that and more, I can not quell the things I'd like most.

"She is stunning." They would say, amidst the oblique tapestry that so lit the stage she stood upon. "Truly a wonder!" They would chant, her elegance untamed. She is without rival, and that I say with a perfectly honest smile. Just because I grin like that of a Cheshire cat, does not mean I am filled with merriment and leisure. In fact, though I do not look it, I crave would only be all the more fitting, if I were to share such a time with her.

"Don't look at her with such eyes!" One man says to another, and I feel as if for a moment, he's also speaking to me. "The pot calling the kettle black, is it not?" My ears catch their bickering, but my eyes are glued to the stage. "Bite your tongue, least she slice it out." Their words ring true, Natsuki would do such a thing, her temper a bitter chill on the worst of days. "Even if I were to be at her mercy, would that truly be a bad thing?" Well, I suppose that's true too. For all of her beauty, she also has bluster.

Surely there is no greater sight than she who stands before me, shouting praise to those around me.

Her eyes catch mine, and I realize, she is also speaking to me. Breathlessly, covered in sweat and gore, I can't possibly help but feel as if I've trained well under her tutelage. Even so, I am not nearly as skilled as her. For all of her strength, she lacks tact and fortitude. A blessing really. No creature, not even a woman, should be perfect after long as she is mortal, she will forever be flawed.

She is only a goddess only in appearances, not in blood.

Ah, but isn't that just the ticket? Even I am not carved from a world of platitudes. Although, truth be told, I take a liking to pretending I am. Still, even if I do hold a bit of what one could only call a silver tongue, I'm not the one put on the pedestal. I have my fair share of fans due to my looks, however, this is a warriors land...I am no gladiator. Donning the apparel expected of one, I make a fitting decoy.

However, I am merely candy for the eye.

I did not pick up my sword in hopes to shed blood. I never polish my shield with wishes to deflect a blow. I am no warrior, and I am unlike her. She is a woman who takes pride in her blade, so much so, it has already drank deeply in the blood of others. Sweat drips down her face, and her eyes glisten...a severity, a dare, a command. Suddenly the whispers around me stop entirely.

I make no move. I say not a word. I simply stand among the ranks, listening to the words that drift from her lips.

We are unworthy of the smile she gifts us, even after her speech has ended and she retires into the room of her choosing, ordering not only a bath, but also company. Those that fight strongest at her side are ordered to line up, and she inspects us all. I do not belong here, though, I stand among the rest anyway. Her eyes trail up my form, a hungry gleam.

My heart is set on fire, her eyes a warmth that is kind, even when she isn't meant to be.

Still, I am not always the chosen one. It depends on what she seeks. For strategy, it's Nao. For communications, Chie. For advice, it's Mai. For a companion, it's me. The woman we follow is a person who rules with an iron fist, but, few of us know the truth. She is often foolhardy, and disorderly. That may seem something of a downfall, but in truth, it makes her attainable. Reliable, sturdy, and utterly real.

She no divinity, not even one of war. The fact she lusts at all is proof of that. Still, she is far greater than even I.

In fact, even if I know she is such a catch that no man would dare to let her stray far, I know the truth. I am no man. I could never own her, or her fleeting presence that so defines the way I look at her. I would like to reach out, of that I am sure...still, I know she would look beyond me, unseeing my gaze. Fitting perhaps, I don't mind her lack of understanding. Why seek a woman after all? Why indeed, seek that which can offer no seed, nor bear any fruit? Why desire something that truthfully means nothing? These are quandaries that I'd rather not wade into, like a muck.

I've no answers, and thus, no recourse.

I lie! I fib! I know not how or why I do it, but may the gods strike me down, because I say such things that provoke the ire of every single logical mind. Why? Why you ask? As if the thought is a pure insanity, why ask me such an unfounded question?! She looks beyond me because she must. She has no other choice! That is my undoing, and yet my very breath...

Why, oh why, can't I simply let myself be alright with the blade at my hip? It was a choice I made after all, but, isn't that merely another way to duck out of the line of fire? After all, isn't that the question at hand? Why do this? Why take up the blade? Why let her look right through me? Ah, that is indeed a difficult matter, now isn't it?

I greatly feel as if I should dishevel her, making my point known, if you will. However, she is not exactly a wall flower. She would have no qualms about about sticking me with the very sword that sits at her hip, and due to that, I know my place well. Unless I am invited, her heart is not meant to be caressed. I'm the one who did this, and now, I pay the price.

"Shizuru, have you not found rest?" Still, she calls to me. "You're tired." Her hand takes hold of mine. "Have your wounds have not yet healed."

"Merely a scratch." I have to deny the bruises. "To be expected when training with blades." Push away the soreness of my fingers, the weariness of my body, and even the pang in my heart. I have to present myself as a huntress, a warrior, everything I'm not, I must become.

"You should not have enlisted." She sighs to me, worry in her eyes enough to tell what she dare not say. "You should stay home, where safety can be found not in a sword, but instead a family."

I understand what she's trying to say. "My family has taken the blade, an oath, and having sworn to the same myself, I can't possibly turn my back now." She doesn't want to see me fight. Still I can not help but feel as if I've no other way to live. She breaths light into me, and drains away the darkness that seeps in like a mire. She soothes me, heals me, and drives me forward. "You give me no choice." I have to follow her into the thicket of things I dare not dream, let alone see. "You will not stand on that battlefield alone." I want to be by her side, always. "I will follow you till my dying days, praying my sword and kin keep me well."

"You never have been easily swayed." She turns her back to the line up, but her eyes signal for me to follow. "I must treat you like the rest of them. I haven't the luxury to play favorites, Shizuru." She's angry that I've taken the blade. That I too, have sworn my life to our king. "Surely you see why it pains me so." That I have put myself into a position that she now has very little control over. "There will come a time that my sword will not be at the ready for your sake alone." That in doing so, in deciding to follow her, I have turned myself into just another face in the crowed. One she may not always be able to see. "Yours is not yet strong enough to ward off an opponent. Your heart isn't yet ready to face such atrocities." I can hear it in her voice, she never wanted things to be this way.

I now face a very real danger, and death lurks over all who may ride out tomorrow. They know this, I know this, and Natsuki refuses to accept it, because I've chosen to follow her.

"I would rather journey with you as a friend, than stay here pinning over my lover." Yes, I have sacrificed a romance, but that is bitter sweet. "I would rather raise my sword with you, than rise my goblet of wine, toasting a person who is no longer there." I do not deserve her, nor do I deserve to serve under her...then again, she doesn't deserve to see me with a blade either. It hurts her to know I'm merely another body at her command. She must push aside all that she feels for me now, and I must remember.

I am the one who cut the tie the moment I picked up the blade.

She turns to look at me, as if testing my conviction. "We do not travel until the break of day." Her words are hopeful, and I can see the prayer in her eyes. "Until then, Shizuru, put down your sword, as I will mine." Her fingers trail across my cheek, and I nod, willing to comply. "Even if only for one more night."


End file.
